Doubts, Regrets and the worst of the what ifs...

Are there times when you feel like your life is a mistake?
You have felt a wrong feeling, made a wrong move, wrote a wrong song, dreamt a wrong dream?
You struggle within yourself between pride and brokeness.
You are strong but you are tired.
You are scared but you don't care.
You are exploding with emotions but you are reserved.
Because you're too rebellious to allow sadness.
Because you are afraid that it'll engulf you and consume your soul.
You know the best way is to fight it head on, just take the blow.
You know you'll crumble at some point, like old cement walls.

A handful of fishfood
Can't believe it! My braces are finally up! Meiyi is the only person I know who actually enjoys the whole process of having braces. I am thankful but I definitely, absolutely do not like the wax and ulcers.. I've been swallowing food for the past 3 days without chewing which is the norm for most ple. Asia Conference was a blast! I'm still hungover from the weekend. Back to fishbowl life again. Sometimes I wonder. How can I make a difference in this fishbowl... I'm not motivated at all. Went for a drink with my girlies on Thurs nite. It was fun being out with them, its been sooooooo long! Now I understand how married women feel when they say that. There are times that I wish Sheep would go out with me to clubs or for drinks with my friends or take up salsa together. At least try to do something that I like. Add spice to the curry lah dey.. Maybe next time. Maybe I'll get to join the gym class at Jenny's school, maybe I'll get to go to Laselle someday, Maybe I'll get my handspring soon, Maybe Maybe Maybe Maybe...... I hate Maybes. Didn't get to bring Weisheng out, some communicaton problem. But We're definately going for supper soon, with Sheep. Nette said she might start bloging too then we can read each other's blog. We don't see each other often anymore, she's sort of living in a different world from me now. I'm probably somewhere inbetween the 1st and 2nd space. She's definately in the 2nd. She's tired and busy all the time and I'm busy and dancing all the time. She gets impatient easily and I'll get that sense of rejection which I try not to let it turn into self defense. She's rich and I'm not-yet. Josh might even be a better companion for her now. At times I feel like Im not up to it anymore. It's like reliving the story of the two NANAs. Just not sure who is which... Well, I still love her no matter what. Always my bestie and I'll be by her side anytime she needs me. Just concerned about us, it might not even be a concern but its something to think about at times. I spent most of my Sun talking to Carin. She's become this insomaniac becoz of her jerk ex bf. I see this vicious cycle of relationship problems as a threat to her promising life. But thank God she is quite resilient so I believe she'll be back in shape soon. She needs God. But all of us do.. anyway.. Just whether we want to admit it or not. Some of us are too proud to admit it, some of us are unaware that we have a need... whatever... Im trying not to be alienated from the world. I love the world. I feel disconnected. What a familiar word. Nostalgia hits me at the thought of disconnectivity.