First of all I am very upset that I can't go for service these 2 weeks! Y must all the timings clash! Arggggghhhhhhhhhh! But I am thankful for some things that happened this week. Clarissa finally replied me! I'm gooona meet up with her soon and I'm also gonna hook her up with Sera to try and get her started on a job. Hopefully everything will turn out fine. She actually said that she was admitted into IMH during the time that I couldn't reach her. OMGosh... This incident falls within the 2 weeks that Min Jin the ZS had claimed that others have testified that their prayers were answered. Amazing..
I had a really busy weekend, what's new right. But Im proud of myself that I managed to wake up early to attend yoga class on Fri and Sat! After that it was work and rehearsals all the way till Sun evening, Ming's Birthday!! Full dress rehearsal at RP turned out to be pretty smooth. Although I wasn't well prepared coz I missed the last rehearsal I feel really greatful to be doing the item. For once I feel like I'm not the worst student and I'm actually enjoying most of it. Not like I have people worse than me around but its just an emotion. The party was fun, everyone was having a good time chillin or rocking the X-stage. I was too tired to be bothered with the pole so I only did a few spins coz Nicholas was there and he came all the way from Malaysia. I was so relieved that the day was coming to an end I actually drank quite a few glasses of wine and went home TIPSY! Ming is 41, can't believe it. She is truly inspirational, never giving in to how the world sees u. I missed Kelly at the party. She would have been lots of fun, being her usual chatty bossy style. :)
Why I felt so much relieve in the evening was not just becoz I managed to smoke through rehearsals but also because I had a nerve wrecking morning at Children's church. Firstly, I had no game in mind and I was doing games with Joyce that morning. 2ndly, I had to preach the offering message and I only got it when I arrived, 3rdly, I was late and 4thly, I was simply freaking out coz I don't feel qualified at all to take these roles. Thank God, I managed to pull through, by faith. Truly, Whatever we are, we have nothing on our own to make ourselves proud. For Jesus says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
Tmrw would be the first time I going to the house alone! Im gonna take pictures when I'm there. It'll fun to have the before and after pictures. When Denjz is free to consolidate all the pictures I'll post them up! yipppee!
What a strange relationship I have with him. Nothing like a lover. But the love that I have for him is like family. Like a relationship based on promises and commitment. Nothing like how I always imagined my marriage to be. God really has a way with me knowing that I tend to live by my emotions and surely if I wasn't bounded by marriage, I would be so proned to fall in and out of love so easily. What a test of faith and loyalty. What a way to mould me.:)
sakura blossom falls at: 4:38 PM
I have been walking alot. Travelling around by bus or train. Many times I walk to the strain station numb from exhaustion and head spinning with thoughts and some parts of a certain song. Just when my tired ass gets to sit on a bench in between the railways, the train would arrive. Then off I go again. In the train, I struggle with standing or squeezing with different people during peak hours while suffering the weight of my heavy bag in silence. Just when I got a seat left empty in front of me, its my turn to get off. Life is really like that. Always moving, always head of you. Just when you think you're there, you get thrown off the tracks. Just when you think you got your break, you're thrown into the fields again. This is life, you just need to keep moving, keep going, keep on keeping on.
Even if I work very hard I might not get what I want either. Others are born hyper extended, and flexibility is easily attained. I try all ways to get flexible, so I work very hard, but I face complications just when I thought I had improved. I had always struggled financially all these years and just when I thought my income was getting more stable, I'm faced with debts for my house and renovation. And these are only a few of the many examples. There will always be something new to be worried or stressed about, always be something that'll cause you to be depressed. But this is life, we live in a broken down world after all. So I'm thankful for the peace inside of me, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Today is my 2nd day of being an elf. I'm down with flu and my legs are so sore form all the running and walking around Orchard. My fellow elf mate is Francis from Danz people. What a coincidence. I really wonder if the whole contract with them will pull through. My weekends are even busier than my weekdays, just when I thought the SGPS camp and rehearsals are finally over.
I got to know this girl 1 or 2 weeks back, Clarissa in a beauty shop. She's fair and pretty. We talked and somehow we started to share our personal lives with each other. She's young, 27, and aneroxic. She's probably sucidal too. We exchanged numbers and I was very happy that she was willing to be friends. I promised that we would go out again. She text me the next day to ask if I was free but I wasn't and had to turn her down. Tried asking her our again the week after but I couldn't reach her anymore. Her line was always connected to her voicemail. Just when I was getting to know you. Please be safe. Pray that we meet again.
My house is in the process of transformation. I'm so tired that I can't even be bothered about the progress. Sheep is the one making all the arrangements and dragging me around to make enquiries. Everything is so rushed that I don't really get to enjoy the process. Just like my wedding. Just like the trains. Just like life. Nobody will slow down for you. No one is gonna wait for you. You just need to keep walking and trust that you will see the other side of the rainbow.
sakura blossom falls at: 12:44 AM
I am weird. I don't want to have kids. I am always thinking like my married friends (some) are so fortunate to be with the person they love most. Like why have such thoughts? I have weird thoughts and ideas that are totally insane. I don't even feel like Im connected at times. But I do have moments that I actually feel like Im human. Times when Im out, talking to friends, mingling, teaching, laughing, being normal.
I was again brought back to my core on Fri after Cg. Reminded about the burning passion and dreams are not for my own benefits because No flesh can ever have glory. (1cor:29)How I have to learn again and again about humility to serve, the courage to be different and to have loyalty in my Dna. Spirit and flesh constantly at war with each other. I can see the bigger picture now. I have a better understanding and acceptance of my situation.
1. There are other things that God wants to do first. He is sovereign.
2. He is giving me time to get myself ready for responsibility. To take pressure, to be firm and rooted even when UNDER pressure. Strong enough not to conform but yet
humble enough to lower my pride to serve.
3. He is waiting for me to show more passion for the little things that he has already given to me. My job, my stable income, my free time, creativity, breakthroughs, my house...Am I not better off than before, blessed in many areas?
4. He is waiting for me to deal with the sin in my life. If I am not pure in my heart, how can I be entrusted with greater things. My thoughts have to be right, positive, consistent.
I am ashamed of my awful thoughts of why can't I have this or that... Do not covert what is not yours, was what He said to me when I was seated on the floor watching the performances. Promotions and breakthroughs are given by Him, so here's no need to blame anyone. I just need to do my part. And so what if I have what I want now, if He is not coming with me then I don't want any of these. If it is not in his will then it too shall not be mine. How silly I was to have harboured selfish thoughts. sometimes I really think that I am but a fool.
I am thankful for what I have and don't have because I know that I am not wise, mighty and noble. But I know that the time will come when I have to rise up and I need to be ready. So now is the time of preparation.
I have had a rough week. Waking up before 7am almost everyday and turning in after 1am every night. It was crazy, today I almost missed a class in the evening coz I overslept in the afternoon. This week is no different, if I hadn't pushed off 2 hrs tmrw morning it would be another round of torment of being lack of sleep! What am I doing now... I am indeed a fool...
sakura blossom falls at: 2:13 AM
Last week was crazy. I had 14 hrs of workshops in one entire week. Mon and Tues was with Vee Lea from Viva Vertical and Fri, Sat and Sun was with Bobbi and Kim at Jitter Bugs. I was so worn out but I've never felt so excited and I'm really thankful for such an eventful week. I am so inspired to be a professional pole dancer. On a personal note, I find Kim such a charming lady and I was totally mesmerized by her. I am so excited about meeting her again in the future! Hopeful to catch something great from her. It was also the first time I got to meet the instructors from Viva Vertical. They are strong, humble and really nice people. I hope to work on some projects with them someday. What a humbling experience for a frog in the well me. What an eye opener. I am only just a frog in the eye of the City's well.
This week is no less crazy from the last. I've been up before 7 everyday coz of some school projects and sleep late every night coz of classes and of course in this case ill- discipline. But time is just so scarce! What an excuse... I had to force myself to wake up for Fredy's Class, I was so tempted to just skip another week and I am glad that I didn't. When will I ever get to feel dance the way he does? He is indeed a genius. G.E.N.I.U.S Counting down to the weekend till I meet Ju and the girls for Ice cream buffet! Love..
I came home today and found Nana standing at the gate entrance with the gates flung wide open. She was just standing there, not moving. God hadn't allowed her to run away. But it just shows that He could, if he wanted to. Just as my thoughts start to run wild, just as I am led to thoughts of temptations, His chastening rod is raised gently above my flesh warning me, telling me gently to listen and look around. For He is not fooled and I am only at his mercy.
sakura blossom falls at: 12:12 AM
Today is gonna be painful, gruelling but totally AWESOME. Today is the day where acro polates will have our first circus training!!!! Hoop and silk! Vea Lee from
viva vertical has arrived and we're gonna have some lessons with her. Hoop is so nice, I like silk too but maybe its because I like round things. This week is gonna be a week of breakthroughs and endurance. This weekend is also Bobbi's workshops at JB. I thank God for his grace and his quirky sense of humour. I think I did mention that I only managed to sign up for intermediate class and I was sort of disappointed. But Lo and Behold... I fasted for a day just to pray and seek God and his wisdom. Never expected for things to turn out like this. My god friend Veron thought her leave was not approved so she called me up to take her advance slots. We agreed to meet the following day but somehow, her leave got approved and I was like..ok... But indeed I was really alright because I had prepared my heart to go just for the intermediate, then I wouldn't miss Fredy's Hip hop class too. But Veron being sweet and all still wanted me to take 2 out of 4 of her slots thinking that she found some loop holes in their registration form. So I agreed, I mean there's nothing to lose. Y not just try and see if I can go for it right? The moment we got there V and the JB recept got into this nasty conversation. V was so pissed in the end that she gave up all her slots for me and signed up for intermediate instead! What a twist to the story! But of course I'm sure God would not short change her. He probably would also know what is best for us. I just need to believe and have faith in the way he does things. Just that now we have to deal with all the b*%#@ing and care bear stares when we get there. Oh, let no weapon formed against us prosper.. So now I have 2 hours of workshops on Fri with Bobbi, 4 hours straight of workshops on Sat and another 2 more on Sun. Total 8 hours of pole in one weekend. SWEEEEEEET........ But SCARY!! The happenings of Nov.
Dreams... have to be caught not taught.
Has to be God given not taken,
from some adventure book,
or movie scene.
A dream can change your entire life,
it can make you or crush you.
Your young men shall see visions,
your old men shall dream dreams.
Let's lay down our own ambitions,
before the King of dreams.
He gives us revelations,
a purpose to fulfill.
He allows our wonderful victory,
all for his own glory!
A true dream is not easy,
it is never simple.
You need perseverance,
to run the life long race.
To chase the almost impossible,
to overcome your fears,
If he is for you,
who can be against you?
But if he is against you,
Beware! No one is for you.
Pudding went for her X-ray recently and the Vet said her leg was healing well. It was looking very good. But now she has to go for a 2nd op to remove the 3 pins that they put in her leg. Another op on my bank account when the stitches are barely just holding the gaping hole. 4 to 5 hundred bucks. There goes my kitchen tiles. Just when our renovation is gonna take place. So many unnecessary costs.
Sometimes I feel like im merely balancing on the tip of a spinning ball.
sakura blossom falls at: 11:11 AM
