Mark 10:6 But God made them male and female from the beginning of creation. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.
My marriage can either be a living hell or heaven on earth. Tendency of it being a torture is higher coz of our personalities and beliefs. U can't imagine the frustration and torture that i have to go through. But God is good all the time. He constantly encourages me through the Church or the Bible and makes life easier for me. He heals me when my heart becomes sick and delivers me from my pain. He guides me into doing the right thing and teaches me how to love. My marriage will NEVER last if Not for GOD. And because of God, my marriage will last and my family will be saved and all things will turn out for the better.
I was reading Harvest times and I read this which upset me for awhile. Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the Lord". That means God doesn't choose our spouse for us. He will guide lead and direct, but ultimately we make our own choice. I was upset becoz I was worried what if I had made the wrong choice. Am I gonna suffer for the rest of my life, and not just me, my husband would also have to bear the same fate if we didn't want to end up in a divorce. Then I remembered crying during service that very day asking God to show if I should marry my husband because he refused to allow me to get baptised. Looking back now, I have come a long way. I remember God spoke to me "Don't give up!" and so I didn't. If I can't trust myself to make decisions, then all the more I should trust God that he has led me to right person. I got baptised, I started serving in Children's ministry. Looking at things from this angle really shows what a privilege to be serving God. What an honour. How He has turned things around.
I love my husband, he loves me alot I know from the things that he does for me. He plans for our future, takes care of our finances and tries to give me what I want. He doesn't like to party, drink or socialise. He's family oriented, responsible and commited. What more can I ask for.
I am the complete opposite of him. I'm like the nemesistwin. I don't plan, I'm not family oriented. I like to party, socialise and buy lots of things for myself. I enjoy dancing and spend lots and lots of time and money doing that. I am forgetful and not responsible like him. But I am commited. I may not be exactly the right kind of girl for him...isn't it obvious... We need alot of compromise and grace to live in peace. Things were so bad recently that I resented him so much I hated to be in the car with him, to be in the same room as him. I realised it was because he was always angry with something I said or did or just unhappy with what I wanted to do. He made me feel very lousy about myself and I took revenge by giving him little or none affection and attention. I didn't want to get close or be involved with what he is doing so that I can be emotionally detached. And till today, I am constantly tempted to do so. Then you would ask, Where's the love? Problem is...there is love. Just that we have so many differences that we get blinded by these obstacles and lose ourselves in our fights and arguments. How to solve these issues?
Then there's this man of my dreams. Literally man who is constantly in my dreams. Scary eh... Well, Why allow this to add on to my nightmare? Mark 9:43 - 50 It's better to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell. For everyone will be tested with fire. You must hve the qualities of salt among yourselves and live in peace with each other. So I think God is telling me something here...
A little digression, God has been very good to me. Im no longer working in a fishbowl which explains the lack of entries for these two months. I am occupied by Youtube mostly coz I am freelancing as a Pole Dance Instructor and a Music and Movement Trainer (for my fish friends). I expect a good salary next month...by the grace of God I got many classes and I am very thankful for his providence and blessings. He has saved me and my family from alot of trouble and debts. We get to stay in our current house up till now even when the landlord has been giving us problems since 2008 raising our rent and selling the house. My dogs are still with us, no government ple came to take them away even though they claimed that there were numerous complaints. Fasting is power.... My brothers got saved. Praise the Lord. My job roles and my husband's got reversed. Now I get to do what I like while he got employed as a full time staff at the fishbowl. My pay is on the increase. Im improving tremendously in my Pole skills.. God is AMAZING! And even saying that, its truly an understatement. But just as things start to look good and promising, the firely arrows of the evil one starts to shoot towards my direction again. Relationship issues, financial issues and family issues, even my baby christian brother started to look up the internet on the anti- christ and bombard me with questions and doubts on the bible! Like the saying goes, it never rains but pours. But as I do my quiet time in tears of defeat and frustration, I felt the presence of the Lord come upon me and the Holy Spirit my best friend and comforter speak to me. I am With you. I am For you. I Love you. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Sometimes the Lord puts us through things that can help us to grow. And whatever it is, I will still sing his praise and thank him for all that he has done and pray for strength to perservere and overcome.
sakura blossom falls at: 12:48 AM
