As a freelancer, I am often burdened by the thought of spending my time wisely and efficently. Therefore Im always busy even though I'm supposed to have more time than others. This can be extremely stressful if I become anal about it can can develop into an unhealthy pattern. But then again, if handled well. It is a good habit to always be aware of how I manage my time so that I can be a good steward of time. For time = life.
One of the highlights of the week, Clarissa the aneroxic girl I was talking about in my previous post dropped me a nasty surprise before I was supposed to meet her. On Thurs night, she texted me and asked to borrow 60 bucks. She claimed that her dad was giving her problems and she needed to return him the money. Under normal circumstances, I would have said NO and told the person to get real. I mean, We've only met ONCE and you are so bold to ask for money? But I always remember that look in her eyes, that sense of emptiness and lonliness when I spoke to her. That look of desperation to get out of her stronghold which I have no idea what it is. So I decided to ask my CGL for some advice. Fang shared that its hard to trust someone in such a short period. But 60 is not a large some, if I can trust her perhaps I would really make a difference in her life. So I waited on it and finally I decided to transfer it to her after 24hrs. All these while she texted me, thanking me and asking me if I had done the transfer. S when I finally did, I texted her but there was no reply and she did not pick up her call there after. I was prepared to lose the money, told myself that it was gonna be an ivestment. It can either be good or bad but if I don't try I will never know. So I woke up the nest day feeling discouraged and doubts and anger started to rise in my heart. I did pray about all these but I couldn't find peace in my heart. After struggling with myself for awhile, I decided to tell her how I feel. I send a a msg saying that I thought I could make a difference in her life by trusting her even though she was so insincere even when she borrowed money and there's nothing I could do anymore. I left it at that and went for my yoga class. When I was done a few hrs later, she actually did reply. She went "Pls don't misunderstand me. I hope you can still be my friend. I took medication that caused me to be so drowsy I couldn't even walk straight." I tried calling again much later but to no avail. It really made me wonder if I had gave her money to cure some drug fix. I happened to meet Jerryn for B.S that day and shared this matter with her. She shared some of her experiences with me about people who suffered from depression. I felt so much lighter in my heart after listening to her and decided to just let the matter wait. Waiting is good. So I made one last text to her telling her that I would love to be her friend and help her but I need her to talk to me and help understand her situation. But yet I'm not hung up on helping her if she's not interested to help herself. So it was a nice closing and for once, I finally felt peace in my heart. I have no idea where the money went to or if it really did help or harm her in any way. But I tried my best to love and trust this person and the rest is up to God.
Later I would be heading down to my new place to check out the painters. Finally! My house is gonna be coloured! I LOVE colours...purple, champange and lollipop makes me so excited! Im hope to save enough money to buy my own hoop by next June? Need to work hard and save, save ,save.... Just the house loan itself is killing me. But I've gotta be strong, and just handle it like everyone else. God is always good, I'm blessed in my ups and downs. Weekends are here, the Elves come out to play and next week would be the recitals. I'm so glad its gonna be over.
sakura blossom falls at: 10:49 AM
